Friday, October 5, 2018

Autumn,


I have always heard people talk about Autumn and change together, usually they are referring to the change in the color of the leaves, or the weather, or the wildlife but I associate it more with the immense changes in my life that all happened around this time of year.

The first big one would be the passing of my first child. Gabryel was delivered October 20, 2007 after we found out his heart had stopped just shy of 18 weeks. He would be 11 this year and it always hits hard with October also being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
First pumpkin patch trip with baby Aedan 2009


October 8, 2008 was the day Jeff and I got married, and this year would be our tenth anniversary. We had always planned on having a real wedding and reception for our tenth anniversary, however we only made it a few weeks past our fifth anniversary before he passed. I still tell my friends as they get married to do it the way they would like from the start, so much can happen and take away the opportunity to do it "right" later.
First pumpkin patch trip with Aedan 2009


Just around the corner is the fifth anniversary of Jeff's death, he passed November 7, 2013 and nothing has been the same since then. I recently found a quote on a blog of a friend that says "Everything broken doesn't have to be completely fixed for it to be completely fine/" This is very much how I feel that grieving Jeff has changed me, I will never be completely over it, it will never stop hurting as the boys grow up without him, but I am fine in the sense that I can keep moving forward and we all slowly continue to heal together.

Autumn was also the time of year that I found out I was pregnant with Freya and shortly after her father and I split up. Although years later we are friends and can co-parent peacefully there were a lot of struggles through that first Autumn.
Pumpkin Patch trip with Aedan, Avery, and Freya 2017

So after all of those big events and the many small ones peppered between I feel a sadness creep in every year when the weather starts to cool off, all of these moments replay in my head a few times until the Winter settles in and then things slowly go back to our version of normal.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Fall Fun at Verona Maze in Verona, MO



Fall fun at Verona Maze The MAZE in Verona, Missouri (Opening September 22 for the 2018 Season!), is a human labyrinth carved into a 7-acre cornfield and is operated by GRIP Boys Home as a fundraiser. The first of the increasingly-popular "MAZE craze" in Missouri, we are starting our 18th season down on the farm in Verona. Designed to challenge the wits of those attempting to find the one exit from more than two miles of twists, turns and dead ends - the puzzle provides a unique source of good farmin' fun for adults and children alike. On average, maze-goers will wander for 45 minutes seeking the labyrinth's exit.

Cow Train - Old-Fashioned Hay Ride - Giant Jumping Pillow - Twin Spin
Corn and Apple Cannons - Pumpkin Chuckin - Boxer Jocks and more!

The courtyard is full of activities for all ages ... something for everyone. We have movie nights on Fridays and Saturdays! There's a special Little Kernel's Corner for the enjoyment of our smaller visitors. And you'll find plenty to eat at our concessions! For the details, go to: Attractions



The Zombie Harvest attraction gives those wanting to test their trigger finger the chance to shoot at rogue zombies roaming through the woods of Lawrence County, Missouri. This is not for the faint of heart!

for more information visit https://veronamaze.com/

Proceeds benefit GRIP | Verona's Boys Home

GRIP believes that all boys and young men should be afforded the opportunity to reach their potential in a safe and caring environment. Basic to this belief is that boys and young men flourish in structured environments that focus on choice and accountability. For more information visit our website at GripBoysHome.com

Friday, July 6, 2018

Summer so far

This has been a very laid back summer so far, with the temperatures being high we haven't had a ton of activities outdoors because frankly, I do not enjoy the super humid heat we have here in Missouri. A few weeks ago we went to a convention in St. Charles that was actually pretty fun despite the fact that the boys spent at least half the time sitting in the convention center lobby playing Legos.




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We did some quickly thrown together cosplays, mostly what we have done in the past or in Avery's case made completely of clothing already owned. Avery was Baldi from Baldi's Basics, which was probably not even known or noticed by anyone. Aedan did his Rick Sanchez from Rick and Morty again and I did a newer version of Juvia Lockser from Fairy Tail. My costume was already in progress for a while but I finished the top (and it was eaten by my sewing machine) made a skirt, and an entire hat the night before the convention. Since then I have continued working and mending my Juvia costume, and begun work on A Doctor Strange for Aedan and a Rust Lord (Fortnite) for Avery. I will also be making a costume for a friend along with ours, seems that I have been in a sewing mood lately after a very long hiatus.
fun bonus picture of Aedan as Boba Fett


It would seem that sewing is not the only renewed hobby in my life right now, because here I am wiring again out of nowhere. I did discover that I can not maintain my momentum writing while dating, it was awful to try to balance my kids, my hobbies, and a relationship. As you can see I chose my children and am now slowly adding my hobbies back into the mix. The boys need entirely too much help and attention for me to allow anyone into my life that would question that or cause me to become unfocused. The kids have a great male role model in their life with Freya's father and for now, that is good enough for everyone.

We had a great fourth of July and it was the first time my boys got to actively participate in setting off the fireworks. I am actually shocked that I handled that, usually I am too stressed out and uptight to allow them to do anything even remotely dangerous but it actually happened.






In the upcoming months, we will be doing back to school prep, attending another convention, and I will be attending a concert with friends in February since doing things without the kids is a nice break from time to time. I am glad to be continuing my tradition of going to Panic! at the disco concerts for the third time in four years, only missing the year the show was rained out.

So, for now, the kids and I are sticking close to home and spending time with friends when we can, school starts again in a little over four weeks and we have had a low key summer without much stress or frustration.

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Three


Today my youngest is three, where in the world did the time go?


Freya had a party and it was well worth the stress of planning it, she hasn't had a party ever work out during her time with me.I made her a dress for the occasion, the boys picked a Poppy (trolls) pinata for her, she even had a tea party with her friends and cousins. Six hours after it started the kids still didn't want to leave, so I guess that is the sign of a great party.

That cake was amazingly yummy

Showing off the dress I made her.


Freya and the Poppy pinata 

Aedan being goofy, can you believe he is 9?!

Avery, dapper as always, 7 years old now.

I wish I had gotten a group photo, but there were loads of kids.

Tea time.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

I wrote a book.

Yes, it is I, Queen of Procrastination and I have written a book.

Seriously, I know it is hard to believe. So what am I doing now? Writing another.

NO SHIT.

I wrote, I finished, I edited.

Now, while I query for one of those elusive agent things I have heard so much about I am working on a second in the series. These characters are my loves, they write themselves, the story just unfolds and I am so proud.

I honesty can't believe any of this but I am just glad to have done something productive with all of the wild thoughts I had harbored in my strange little mind.